INTRO, my background, the good, the bad, the ugly..Authentic ME

Hello from this little corner of my world. It is late here at my house. I should be asleep. But, alas, I am a Mom, and for me that means that this is the only time that my house is completely quiet. If you are "meeting" me for the first time I will use this post as a introduction. If you know me I will just start by telling you all that I am not sure what all this blog will contain,lol. It will be a journey. I called it "Humble Dreams" because I have recently allowed myself to get back to dreaming and hoping. But my dreams are not lofty, they are very simple, and I like it like that. I hope to sort of hash them out and plan some here. Now, on to intro. My name is Carole. I am the baby of 5 children myself. Born and raised in the great city of Philadelphia Pa. I am the daughter of a Baptist Pastor. I now live down South in a much smaller town in Kentucky. I have given birth to 8 children and also have 2 step-children. So my husband and I have " Yours, Mine and Ours" kind of family . I have homeschooled for many years and am still raising and homeschooling my last 3 children at home. I am now blessed with 4 grandchildren as well ! My life has been, well...have you ever heard the song "... What a long..strange trip its been..." I sing that a lot when I think about it. I went through some truly horrible things,(Losing my beautiful big sister to breast cancer would be one of those) some hard things, some rough things, some just kinda crappy things,...they all left their marks in different ways, and please do NOT tell me they all "made me stronger". I hate that old expression. You grow and change and walk through things, and some things just change you. I am ok being honest about that now. 
In more recent years (last 10) I have been through a stroke, a heart attack one week after giving birth to my youngest girl, and then losing our place to live the year after. Then my husband having back surgery and losing work time. It has been , well, a lot. And my health will probably never be the same, that is a reality that I am learning to just be ok with and just try to work on doing the best with what I have to work with now.It limits me though and it can be discouraging, but I will not give up or give in ! I am going to work on my diet more and getting my body stronger, baby steps!
 Financially all of these things are like having a giant rug pulled from under you so that of course is another set back. But again, no one is giving up. I am blessed to be able to work part time at my church nursery now, and I have started my own used book business here at home. I have dreams of getting better and better at running it so that it brings in more money.
 NOW! I wanted to get all of that bad stuff out of the way on purpose. Not as a big pity party, but because it IS part of what has shaped who I am. You can not explain who you are and be authentic without explaining the good bad and ugly. In my opinion anyway, and well this is MY blog. I wanted to start there and LEAVE this all here, on the firt post. If anyone wants the nitty gritty later, I can say, "read the intro" without me dragging it up again. And let me say this, I barely touched on things.I try to be honest about things I have been through because many times I end up helping others who feel like can come to me going through the same things. If I can help someone it is worth making myself vulnerable. I have been through childhood sexual abuse by 2 seperate predators from age 8,verbal abuse, being cheated on,having a child with a disease & almost dying then having a transplant, being abandoned with 5 little ones, single Mom, living in home without proper heating etc...I can relate to so many other women out there struggling. I have been diagnosed with ADD, PTSD, Chronic Depression/Anxiety, and probably a few others I forget because my memory is half gone, LOL. (Hey I have to laugh at this point!) 
NOW, The flip side to all of that is this, in those same years, I have had a ZILLION wonderful things happen !!! I am almost 50 my friends, I have been through so much and have seen so much and I can tell you this one thing, THERE IS A GOD , and HE NEVER CHANGES! We do, but HE does not. I am not preaching, my Daddy does that much better, but I just want you to know that I have no doubt on this at this point. You can argue the details but all I need to know is the basics. I am loved by God and I love Him. And that love , His beauty shines through everything. Especially my family. The love of family never ceases to amaze me.I have all of these children and yet every single one is a unique, amazing little being, created special. What a priveledge I was given to be their Mother!Well I have rambled enough. There is a glimpse of me, a humble dreamer, and messy thinker, lol. Dream goal for this summer is to go on a road trip to Philly Pa with my 3 youngest daughters so with can see my parents, my sisters and cousins , nieces nephews etc and just marinate in some family love. We have not been able to afford a trip in many years. I want to go and not have to hurry through it, just go slow and ENJOY. Dreaming & Working hard!